Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
