I just gift wrapped bread.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
