In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize