You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
