dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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