It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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