Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
