So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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