My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
