I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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