I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
