my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
