how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
