is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
