I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
