conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
