Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
