i don't like sucking hair
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
