i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
