you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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