Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
