I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize