Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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