he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
