so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize