its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
