"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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