Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
