god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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