she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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