my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
