News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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