I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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