Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
