Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
