i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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