I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
