Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How does one acquire holy water?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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