my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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