i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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