If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
