The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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