Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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