you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my being single is dangerous.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
