so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
