Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize