just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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