my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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