I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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