pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
