My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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