Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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