IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
