sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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