Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
