I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
