the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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