I want to make a zoo with you.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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