my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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