The best revenge is premature balding
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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