sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
