I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
