I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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