he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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