Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
