I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
