I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Having a random hookup so left but love u
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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