Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize